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Bits and Bites - ICFAZ Blog

Bits and Bites, Feb 20th, 2023
By Linda Pobuda
Posted: 2023-02-20T19:58:41Z

ICF AZ Bits and Bites Blog,

February 20, 2023

Happy Valentine-February to our ICF friends!   

This post offers practical tools to see how apologies and forgiveness strengthen relationships.   Following the ubiquitous influence of Gary Chapman’s 2015, “Five Love Languages, The Secret to Love That Lasts”, is the 2022 sister book “The 5 Apology Languages, The Secret to Healthy Relationships” by Gary Chapman & Jennifer Thomas PhD.

We each have a primary apology language, per authors Chapman and Thomas.  To learn your primary apology language, go to, under Quizzes for the free Apology Language Quiz.   The quiz is designed for awareness of how apologies “heal hurt within relationships.”  The book’s research and studies verify how properly using apology languages will meaningfully contribute to stronger relationships. There are sections with practical insights on “things to say and not to say when apologizing.”

Here are the five languages of apology outlined:   

  1. Expressing regret (“I feel ashamed...”)
  2. Accepting responsibility (“I was wrong...”)
  3. Genuinely repent (“I know how much pain I caused.  I will do it differently next time.”)
  4. Making restitution (“This is how I will make it up to you _____.”)
  5. Requesting forgiveness (“Can you forgive me?”)

Self Forgiveness

“Choosing to forgive yourself”, is supported by a Hawaiian practice, Ho’oponopono.  It means “to make things right.”  Described in a 2020 newsletter by Inanna at Harmony Healthy Massage and Wellness Spa, Ho’oponopono is a “powerful mantra for giving you a clean slate” from difficult, non-productive, stressful thoughts.

There are four steps to use in repetition:

Step 1: Repentance – JUST SAY: I’M SORRY

Step 2: Ask Forgiveness – SAY: PLEASE FORGIVE ME

Step 3: Gratitude – SAY: THANK YOU

Step 4: Love – SAY: I LOVE YOU

"Say I Love You to your body, to the air you breathe, to the house that shelters you and to your challenges. Say it over and over."

Finally, as Maya Angelou said “Do the best you can until you know better.  Then when you know better, do better.”  

Please send your ideas for blog posts to  Whether you want to post on a full topic, or share a quick tip/technique, we welcome the opportunity to work with you to share information with your ICF colleagues.  

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